Tuesday, March 6, 2012

brother number one

this is my oldest brother. for a long time, i thought that he was perfect... that did neither of us any good. there was generally a fair amount of pressure on him, being the oldest of four... it's a natural birth order occurrence. but, then he had to go and be very good at everything that he did... baseball, basketball, golf, ping-pong, school, friendships, etc. he was the type of guy to get the "best all around" award in high school. then, he went to college on a baseball scholarship, and, of course, it was an academically strong school, and he continued his legacy in my mind. our father died right after he graduated, and i imagine that a large amount of something befell him that made him consider his role in the "fathering" of the young siblings. it is not a role that i can imagine him wanting or needing. as the years went on, we shattered the image of his perfection, and we were both set free. he still does just fine at most of the things that he does (except eating vegetables,) and i still hold him in high regard. it took a long time for us to really connect... he's six years older, but it finally happened. it may have been when i got married and had kids... it may have been when he and i realized that i did not need him to be a perfect example or to be "fatherly"... being friends offered us both what we needed, acceptance and love.

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